


Defining Past

by bennijie



Category: Metal Gear, Metal Gear Solid
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Some sadness, baggage, give them both a hug, omfg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 06:21:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11800230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bennijie/pseuds/bennijie
Summary: Nothing can change the past. It's always going to be like this.





	Defining Past

_The impossible to forget gun fires scream through my ears in a silent room. With every detail fresh as a new memory. With the black and white tiles of the kitchen floor, little balls that were curled on the couch to show that it had been used for too long. The sunset peaking through the windows of the little home and the glint of a gun. It was never meant to happen._

_"It's okay sweetie, grandpa is going to fix things" He was talking fast, gun pointed to his head as he sat at the metal small table in the middle of the kitchen. "just go and play in the lounge room"_

_I remember there being a gun in my hand. Given to me by the man with no face. He looked like one of those creepy cartoon characters. Grandpa said they didn't exist, just a bunch of drawings all put in one. But, he seemed real enough to be breathing, real enough to blink, real enough to cause trouble, real enough to kill, real enough to cause some real damage to my perfect little world._

_I remembered the clear look on my Grandpa's face as he told me to run towards the door._

_I remembered the clear look on his face as a hole appeared between his eyes._

_I didn't think too straight, with the front door blocked I practically climbed the stairs on my hands and feet as the noises got louder. I locked my bedroom door and with the strength of the Hulk I pushed my desk in front of it with my bed with wheels. I even remember throwing the heaviest books I can find in a mad dash to find my backpack around the room. My bike would be outside, my Grandpa's plane would be in the hangar at the air field._

_I would escape_

 

* * *

 

 

The Boss sat by where my legs curled up. He sat down slowly, trying not to make the mattress inflate with weight as he sat down. His movements craved an answer. Any answer to the situation that has befallen both of us. Kaz and Ocelot were confused by my absence. You could tell by the way he sat silently. Silence will speak a thousand words if done correctly. He wanted to ask why I hadn't moved all day. He wanted to as why But nothing came out. Not even a huff or a sigh. And I didn't answer, I curled up more so my lungs felt compressed and it was hard for my to breathe. My throat stiff like something was trapped inside. Noise was trapped inside. I refused to let it go, not even for a second. I could feel his eyes trace up and down my body. Trying to read every breath and movement to get an answer. No answer was given. I'm smart, I know how interrogation works. I interrogate myself. But this wasn't an interrogation. This was almost like a meeting to demand an answer. After 5 long minutes of absolute silence and tension, he decides to finally speak.

"Are you doing okay?" His word weeped with worry hidden behind bars no one could see.

He's the boss, he had to stay strong and silence. But this room is where people let their guards down to show their full potential. I crease my eyebrows together to try and determine an answer and like a beacon of hope, I turn over on my other side, still cuddling the pillow like it was the last second of oxygen. My arms entirely encircling it and legs intertwined around. My face buried inside. But my eyes could still see. They felt tired, puffy, they stung every time I blinked and my cheeks are like puddles after rain. He gives me a pitying look, mixed with disappointment for the lack of words.

This was fine. Nothing needed to be said.

He understood...

What a lie.

His flesh arm lightly rubs my shoulder and lingers a touch, a source of warmth my brain had decided. Safety. 'Nothing can hurt me here' I tried to remind myself. I sniff once more and well and truly look up at him. Trying to give him a smile through the pillow for reassurance, it worked. He doesn't smile though, just a thin line of pity. I force my body to move and sit up straight, pillow still in arms length. Snake wraps an arm gently around me, trying to break down at least one wall. It only does a scratch. To make it seem like he's winning, I lean on his shoulder and shut my now heavy eyes. Letting out a small sigh through my mouth as I take in the same smell. Metal, earth, summer. He recently had a shower because some hairs on his head were still wet. The smell of blood no longer existed. He smelt like a metallic dirt on a warm summer's day. Very homely, very safe. Safe.

"It's alright" Melodic. It knocks down my walls.

With a hic, I start to cry again, I wrap my arms around his chest and he starts rubbing my back to help more.

"I'm sorry" I mumble into chest, his chin resting on top of my head

"I'm sorry" It became a mantra. _Apologies_ and _'I tried to'_ s were the only things said. He told me nothing was wrong. That I've done everything right. He told me everyone is safe. He told me to not be afraid. How can I not be? I'm terrified. "I'm sorry" 

"It's not your fault that whatever happened, happened" he sooths "Nothing could have stopped it"

"I tried to help him, I really did"

"You tried your best" calming, the expression in his voice didn't change

"My best got him killed" I whimper, he goes quiet for only a millisecond.

"Sometimes things happen for a reason"

"Don't leave me please," i beg "don't end up like him"

Bullet, head, eyes, face, blood...

"I won't, I promise... Okay?"

Okay he said okay, you said okay, you said... Okay.

 

Nothing can change the past. It's always going to be like this.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work!  
> I have never done this before I used to write like, all the time but then it slowly vanished and now i do little snippets and stuff like headcanons so this is a big leap from writing a shitty hunger games fanfic about a girl who can turn into a wolf or some shit to full on angst.  
> i cannot emphasize how shitty this is.


End file.
